God’s big calamity has been postponed indefinitely, after Noah’s vessel descended into a wild orgy shortly after it began to rain.
‘We’d hardly rung the “everyone on board” gong before they all started getting to know each other biblically”, says Noah. “I had to return to shore for health and safety reasons. You wouldn’t believe how much rocking and pounding an ark has to take when every species on the planet is having sex on it at the same time.’
‘The antelope couple from next door dropped in on us for a glass of wine, and one thing led to another”, explains Mrs Giraffe. “Pretty soon every tropical ruminant had joined in the fun. We tried just about everything, although I have to say oral sex is a bit tricky when you have a six-foot neck.’
‘Thanks to all this decadent inter-species fornication, we now have 34 weird new hybrids on our hands”, says Noah, “including a fish with a goat’s head and a horse with wings. Luckily, I’ll be able to offload them on Ancient Greece. They seem to like that kind of thing over there.’
